Dear grief -
Today, I woke up weary, alone with your weight on my chest, still carrying the bunched night, lost in the shadows that you haunt.
I am trying to be a better companion to you and maybe even a friend. To make space when I want to run. To listen deeply when distraction blares, “Choose me, take my hand instead.” To turn to you with trust when fear wants to keep us separate. To honor your rhythms and waves when what I’ve been taught is to move on, stay strong, get over this knotted, wild ache.
Help me to be humble in my need to know and understand your every whim, the shapes you take, the maze you follow, the way you move inside my body, have come to live inside this life. Help me learn the path of surrender so that I may release my hunger to control the messy and intractable.
Teach me the way of patience, how to go slow in a world that’s always rushing to next, better, more. Prepare me for descent, so that I seek not to triumph, rise or overcome but to abide in the lowlands where your medicine waits in dark and fertile ground.
Instill in me compassion, to be here with myself, a warm and gentle presence to meet what surfaces and stirs. Make me a student of such magnanimous presence that I may offer you its gifts again and again … my willing attention and kind curiosity, this breath, this breath, this breath.
Forge in me the courage of vulnerability, to speak to what hurts, trembles, tries to stay buried, sanitized, polite. Unearth what’s true, the bluest note and sharpest cry, each burning, tear-soaked word. Open my throat, my eyes, my heart that all may honor and express your infinite moods and names.
Drop me into my body, into these bones and tissues that carry you, muscles that mouth your pain. Help me to inhabit discomfort so that I may learn what brings me ease, balm, rest, release. That I may find a practice, a form, a vessel that gifts you room to flow.
Guide me to your altar. Let us make it a thing of beauty that I may soften in my approach. Come before you, reverent, pliant. Ready to hold you, embrace your mystery, give myself to sorrow and allow its existence with joy.
Dear grief, come. Pick up the drum of my heart. In this great undoing, with every beat and faltering step, may I remember that even you bear grace in the tempest. Even you, such a feral, tender creature, have claimed me in service to love.
Monthly in-person grief support
This monthly, in-person grief care offering invites space to speak and express our sorrows and to connect with each other while leaning into support. Sessions include meditation, journaling, ritual and other nourishing practices and are held at a beautiful wellness center nestled in the woods in Rittenhouse Town, Philadelphia. Sign up here to join me on June 20.
Listen to the latest episode of Breathing Wind
My Breathing Wind co-host Sarah Davis and I had the great honor of talking to Dan Fischer, founder of One Last Wave Project, for this month’s episode. Dan, who helps thousands memorialize their loved ones by carrying the names of their dead out to sea on his surfboards, is a wise, honest and tender grief walker. In this heartwarming and vulnerable conversation, he talks about grieving the loss of his dad and his dog, who was his best friend; the healing he’s found grieving in community; and why grief and happiness are intertwined. You can listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts.
Join me for a nurturing getaway this fall
I’m looking forward to being part of Rise Gatherings Weekend Getaway for women in September. This incredible weekend takes place September 29 - October 1 in the beautiful Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania.
This unique experience offers special opportunities for learning, connecting, playing and resting. Participants can register to take part in four workshops from an array of offerings tending mind, body and spirit — all while enjoying inspirational and inclusive movement and meditation classes, nourishing meals, breathtaking lake views, healing treatments and more.
I’ll be offering a grief writing workshop for some gentle heart care during the weekend as well as private coaching and healing sessions.
Learn more about the weekend here.
Register using the promo code NAILA23 (not case-sensitive) to save $50 off your ticket.
Whew. Thank you for this. I'm hosting a grief cake workshop next Sunday Naila and would love to share this post with my attendees with your permission and blessing. xx
Beautiful letter. Grief has a bewildering way of walking us INTO Wholeness.